


Can't Help But Want You

by 7_Magpies



Series: Shyan Song Fics [15]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: Falling In Love, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Pining, Pining Ryan Bergara, Ryan Bergara Loves Shane Madej, Shane Madej Loves Ryan Bergara, Sharing a Bed, Song: War of hearts (Ruelle), Songfic, look at these idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 05:28:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26846665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/7_Magpies/pseuds/7_Magpies
Summary: Ryan is used to having Shane there to help him when he's scared. But one night, Shane gets a nightmare and the script gets flipped.-----This is a songfic based on "War of Hearts" by Ruelle. It is a one shot and unrelated to other works in this series.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Series: Shyan Song Fics [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1857880
Comments: 17
Kudos: 137





	Can't Help But Want You

**Author's Note:**

> This song was actually recommended by a reader! I hope it lives up to your expectations! 
> 
> Thanks as always to bottomryanbitch for letting me brainstorm-rant to her (seriously, check her out, she's the best) and the book club for making me cry while I was writing this. Love you all <3

_“Come to me_

_In the night hours_

_I will wait for you.”_

Ryan’s not used to getting phone calls late at night. So when he hears his phone buzzing at two in the morning, he reaches for it without a second thought and checks the caller ID. It’s Shane.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Ryan’s panicking a little bit, his brain already coming up with a few worst-case scenarios for why Shane would be calling at what is, frankly, a ridiculous hour.

“Hey. Sorry. Did I wake you?” 

“Don’t worry about it. Is something the matter?”

A beat of silence, and Ryan’s about to ask again when Shane answers “I’m okay. I just… I don’t know. It’s stupid.”

Ryan breathes a sigh of relief. If Shane’s embarrassed, then whatever it is can’t be a too big of a deal. “Talk to me, man. Whatever it is isn’t stupid if it made you call me.”

A long breath on the other end of the line. Ryan can imagine Shane rubbing his face in the way he does when he’s trying to decide how to word something. Finally he speaks up again. “Bad dream.”

“What sort of bad dream?”

“Your sort of bad dream. Except something happened to you. It’s dumb, but I wanted to… you know… make sure you’re okay. I don’t believe in psychic dreams or anything, y’know, but… it felt real.” 

Ryan nods, despite knowing Shane can’t see him. “It’s alright, Shane. Really. Are you okay?”

“Fine,” he replies too quickly. “Just… haven’t had a nightmare in a while.”

There’s silence over the line for a moment before Ryan speaks up. “Do you… are you okay alone?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine, but…”

He knows Shane. Knows what is easy for him to ask, and what isn’t. Given this knowledge, he thinks he knows where Shane is going. “You don’t want to be alone?”

“No,” he says in a small voice. “Can I… Can I come over?”

“Yeah, of course.” They hang up and Ryan gets out of bed to put on some clothes, thankful it’s not a weeknight.

Shane shows up after about twenty minutes and Ryan lets him in. His hair is a mess, and there are dark spots under his eyes. He’s paler than normal, too, and his clothes are a rumpled mess. “You look like shit,” Ryan says by way of greeting.

He gives a half-smile despite himself. “Thanks. You really know how to make a guy feel special.” He kicks his shoes off and sits heavily on Ryan’s couch. 

Ryan sits beside him, and puts on a more serious expression. It’s strange, to be the one having to pull Shane down from being nervous. It’s usually the other way around. He’s determined to be there for Shane, though, to help make up for all the times their roles were reversed. “Tell me about it.”

Shane rests his hands on his knees and squeezes them, as though reassuring himself. “It was just… you were attacked by something. It took you and I couldn’t see you. But I heard you.” He closes his eyes and shakes his head, seeming to try and shake the memory out of the forefront of his mind. “You screamed, and I woke up screaming… It sucked, Ryan.”

Ryan rests a hand on Shane’s shoulder. “I know, man. It’s just a dream, though. I know you know that, but I’m right here. You’re not getting rid of me that easy.”

“I know. I just… I had it several times tonight.” His voice is shaky and he isn’t looking at Ryan, but he can see the blush rising in his cheeks.

Ryan doesn’t know what to say to that. Not only did Shane dream about him, but Shane dreamt about him _several times_ in one night. No wonder he wanted to be with Ryan, even the most cynical person would begin to get concerned. “It’s alright, man. Do you know why?”

“No,” he replies softly, sighing. “I’m really sorry to wake you up-”

“Hey, consider it payback, right?” He tries to keep his voice light and pull Shane out of the spiral he can see him beginning to slide down. “Seriously, I wasn’t able to sleep, so you didn’t wake me up. Don’t worry about me, alright?”

Shane nods, looking up at Ryan. “Thanks. Really.”

“No problem. You should really try to sleep, though. I’ll get you a blanket and pillow, alright?”

He nods again, fighting down a yawn. 

Ryan gets them and returns to find Shane laying across the couch already. He hands him the pillow and blanket, and watches as he situates himself on Ryan’s couch. “Night, Shane,” he says quietly, heading to his bedroom. 

“Night.”

_“And I can’t sleep_

_‘Cause thoughts devour._

_Thoughts of you consume.”_

Ryan should get some sleep, he knows it. It’s early in the morning. But he can’t seem to get Shane off his mind. He’s wondering why Shane’s dreaming of him suddenly, when he never had before. He wonders if Shane was lying and this _wasn’t_ the first time he’s had these dreams, they’re just worse now. After a while, he gives up on trying to sleep. When he opens his phone to watch YouTube, though, he hears something from the living room. 

Trying not to worry too much, Ryan climbs out of bed and heads to where he left Shane on the couch.

His friend was moving his head as though looking around, and murmuring in his sleep. It sounded like a nightmare. Ryan knelt beside him and tapped his shoulder. “Shane? Shane?” It took a few times before he woke.

Shane sat up, grabbing Ryan’s arm. He was breathing heavily, and his forehead was damp with sweat.

The abrupt movement took Ryan aback, but he tried not to show it. “Shane, chill. You were dreaming again. I heard you from my room.”

“Right. Sorry.” 

Ryan realized that Shane was still holding his arm, and with him sitting up their heads were close together. Close enough he could see flecks of gold in his dark brown eyes, and the freckles around his eyes. He ignored these details, though. “Same dream?”

“Yeah.” He seemed to realize at the same time because he let go of Ryan’s hand and scooted back. “Sorry about that.”

“Do you…” Ryan had to pause and try to even his breathing before he could ask. “Do you think sleeping in my bed will help?” 

Shane weighed the options for a moment, and Ryan felt his heart start racing in his chest as he waited for Shane to answer. “It might. If you don’t mind.”

“Course I don’t. Come on.”

It felt strange, walking back to his room with Shane close behind. Like he should say something, try to make a joke, but he didn’t know how or what. 

If walking down the hall was strange, though, then it had nothing on actually _getting in bed_ with Shane. They’d shared beds before, on locations. This was different, though, despite how hard Ryan tried to convince himself it wasn’t. 

_Just sharing a bed with your best friend because he’s having nightmares. Nothing weird about it._ He wasn’t believing himself, though. 

Shane didn’t say anything as he got in Ryan’s bed. Ryan could tell how tired he was. “Get some sleep,” he said quietly.

“You too.” 

Shane started to snore after just a few minutes, and Ryan smiled in the darkness. He couldn’t bring himself to be annoyed by the sound, and he couldn’t even be annoyed by that fact. 

Ryan fell asleep to the sound of Shane’s snoring.

_“I can’t help but love you_

_Even though I try not to._

_I can’t help but want you._

_I know that I’d die without you.”_

Ryan wakes up again to sunlight through his window. He blinks a few times and checks the time. It’s seven. He rolls over to see Shane still asleep and smiles. 

In the warm morning light, Shane’s so handsome that Ryan loses his breath for a moment at the sight of him. He’d felt the wave of want before, a number of times. It’s become a fact of life with Shane as his best friend. It’s been a while since he’s felt it so acutely, though. The desire to run his fingers through Shane’s hair makes him tuck his hands under the blankets so that they can’t do it of their own volition. 

Shane’s asleep and Ryan is able to look at him.

So he does.

And he wants.

When Shane wakes up later, he’s going to pretend like he hadn’t been looking, and he’s going to make himself pretend he doesn’t want.

But until then...

_“Stay with me a little longer,_

_I will wait for you._

_Shadows creep_

_And want grows stronger,_

_Deeper than the truth.”_

Shane wakes up a while after Ryan. “Morning,” he says in a voice raspy from sleep. 

“Morning. Did you dream again?”

“No.”

They don’t talk about it.

Instead, they get up and eat breakfast. Shane should be getting back to his own place. He doesn’t, though, and Ryan’s glad for reasons he doesn’t want to analyze. 

Shane stays at Ryan’s. Ryan doesn’t ask him to leave. Doesn’t want him to leave. He knows they should probably talk about Shane’s nightmares the night before, and how sleeping next to Ryan helped. He knows from experience, though, that asking Shane to talk about things that could end up being emotional is a surefire way to make him withdraw. So he waits for Shane to bring it up. 

They end up playing video games, and Ryan kicks Shane’s ass at most of them. Time passes, and shadows creep along the wall. Before he knows it, it’s late in the afternoon and Shane is still at his apartment and they still haven’t talked about it.

“Want me to order some pizza?”

Shane nods, not looking up from the screen as he continues playing. He’s stuck his tongue out a little bit and furrowed his brows as he focuses on the game, and Ryan feels like he’s on a roller coaster that’s just reached a drop. There’s no reason for him to find his best friend so attractive while losing terribly at video games, but there he is. He shakes his head to clear it and orders the food.

They watch a movie and eat and then it’s night and they still haven’t talked. Finally, Ryan realizes what he was afraid of: Shane will not bring it up. 

When the movie ends and they’ve finished eating, he sits up on the couch, facing Shane. “Look, I know you don’t want to, but I think we should talk. You’ve been avoiding the subject all day, but I think it’ll help you to talk about it.”

He knew Shane would withdraw, but watching it still hurt. His friend went from being stretched out and relaxed to hunched over and drawing his legs up. “There’s nothing to talk about, I just had a bad dream. End of story.”

“But when you were next to me, it stopped.”

Shane shrugs, looking anywhere except Ryan. “I don’t know, Ryan. It was just a bad dream.”

“You don’t remember anything about it?”

Shane stands up and starts for the door. “Forget about it, okay? I’m gonna go home, thanks for everything.”

“Wait, Shane!” He stands up and grabs Shane’s wrist without thinking about it. “I’m sorry, man. Please.”

Shane stops, looking down at Ryan’s hand on his wrist. 

“Please. I didn’t mean to chase you off. I’m just trying to understand why you’re not talking to me about this. You can trust me, you know?” He was trying to keep the hurt out of his voice, but even he could tell he failed.

Luckily, Shane didn’t seem to care. He turns towards Ryan, sighing deeply. “Look, I just didn’t really want to share the details. It’s not because I don’t trust you, you know that.” 

“Do I? Because you aren’t talking to me.” He lets go of Shane’s wrist and steps into his space, trying to force Shane to meet his eyes. “You can talk to me. Goodness knows I’ve given you plenty of dirt on me. I’m not gonna judge you for your _dreams,_ Shane. Seriously, who do you think I am?”

He sees Shane’s Adam’s apple bob with a gulp, sees the gears turn behind Shane’s eyes. He knows that he shouldn’t be pressing. And yet, he feels like he needs to know. So he stays in Shane’s space, keeps Shane’s gaze, and waits for him to speak.

“I really don’t think you want to know, Ryan.” His voice comes out strained, and he’s trying to look away from Ryan.

“I do. Stop pushing me away and just fucking _talk to me_.”

When he speaks, it’s in a rush. “It was a sex dream, okay? It was you and me having sex and then something appeared and took you away. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to leave.”

Ryan stands shock-still, trying to wrap his mind around Shane’s admission. When he finally comes back to the surface from his own mind, Shane’s left and the door to Ryan’s apartment has closed. He could let Shane leave, pretend that never happened. 

He chases after Shane. 

“Wait! Shane!”

He catches up to Shane on the sidewalk outside his apartment building. “Shane! Stop! Talk to me, please.”

Shane turns and there’s a look in his eyes that Ryan can’t name. He almost looks angry, but it seems to be more at himself than Ryan. “What is it, Ryan? What do you want to say to me? ‘No homo’? ‘That’s fine you had a sex dream but I’m straight’? Gonna let me down easy?”

“Do you like me?”

Shane rolls his eyes. “What are you, seven?”

“You know what I mean.”

He sighs, looking away from Ryan’s face. “Yeah. I do. Now please let me go die in a hole in peace.”

He tries to turn but Ryan stops him again. “Are you not gonna ask me?”

“Ask you what?”

“If I feel the same.” His heart’s racing and he should be embarrassed of doing this on the sidewalk, but he can’t bring himself to even be aware. His mind is consumed with _Shane._ How Shane looks in the dying light, looking at him with his Sad Eyes, looking scared and small despite the height difference between them.

“Do you?”  
  


“Yeah.” Ryan’s not a romantic. He did imagine, however, that if he and Shane had a feelings confession then it would be a bit more dramatic. Not them both staring at each other, unsure of what to say or do. He swallows thickly. “I feel the same way,” he spells out, feeling the nerves increase with every heartbeat that Shane doesn’t speak.

“Say something, Shane. Please?” 

“Are you sure?”

Ryan can’t help scoffing. “Yeah, I think I’m pretty fucking sure.”

Shane’s mouth is open a little bit, and it takes a Herculean effort for Ryan to pull his eyes up from it and to Shane’s eyes. Finally, Shane looks down at where Ryan is holding his arm again. “How long?”

“I dunno, a while. Been trying not to. I didn’t think you felt the same.”

“You’ve always been an idiot,” he says, but his voice is so fond that Ryan can’t even bring himself to be offended. “Can I…” he trails off, eyes fixed on Ryan’s lips.

Ryan feels the blush rise in his cheeks, and can’t make his voice function enough to say anything, so he nods.

When he kisses Shane, he has to crane his neck up and stand on his toes, which isn’t something he’s ever had to do. It’s addictive, though, in a way he never would have expected. He’s grabbed the front of Shane’s shirt and is pulling him down into himself. He’s aware of Shane’s long fingers on his waist, the touch gentle but _there._

He’s not sure how long they kissed, but when he pulls back his lungs are burning and his ankles are wobbly from standing on his toes. “Come back inside,” he says softly, and Shane nods.

Just like that, Ryan’s hit with the wave of want that he felt that morning, looking at Shane’s sleeping face. This time, though, he doesn’t try to fight it back. He lets it wash over him, flooding his system with adoration for his best friend. It feels like drowning, falling into Shane. He can’t bring himself to care, though. Because Shane’s there.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I may or may not have written it instead of doing schoolwork because I'm The Worst. 
> 
> If you have recs, let me know! Always up for more things to write instead of doing schoolwork!


End file.
